10 Tips From A Woman On How To Start Talking To A Girl
If you are frustrated that you don’t currently have a girlfriend and you have talked to a friend or family member about it, you probably got the age-old advice “just be yourself!” Never has worse and more useless advice been given. You were obviously trying that, and it failed spectacularly. It’s obviously not a good idea to pretend you are someone you are not, so what are you to do?
It is always easy to take advice from another guy, but today, we get these 10 tips from a woman’s point of view. Thats right, advice straight from our beautiful friend, Lisa to you. I’d also like to take a quick second and thank here for taking time to contribute.
So here we go, 10 tips to use when talking to a woman:
1. Just Relax And Smile
When you think about approaching a girl, you likely get very anxious and nervous. Let’s break down what happens, piece by piece. Your heart starts racing a little faster, you get more energy, you might sweat a little, and you feel a little scared. Now, let’s break down what happens when you start feeling excited. Your heart starts racing a little faster, you get more energy, you might sweat a little, and you feel a little happy. Sound familiar? The only difference between the two is what you are telling yourself to feel. Next time you start feeling nervous, remind yourself that you are actually just excited about what is about to happen, relax, and smile. This is the secret to confidence.
2. Just Say Hi
You will be tempted to try a funny line or some technique to get your foot in the door. Don’t. Women always know when this is happening, and most of the time it immediately shuts them down. Just walk up with your relaxed, smiling, confident self and say, “Hi. I’m (your name).” Yes, it’s that simple, and she will likely respect you for your honesty and no-nonsense attitude.
3. You Always Have Something In Common
Push down that desire to entertain her and start making her laugh. That’s a sure fire way to come off like a clown that’s there for her to laugh at and leave. You want to make a deeper connection than that. We are all humans, living very similar lives. You have something in common, and it’s your job to figure out what. Is she wearing a shirt with a band you know or sports team you like? Do you recognize her accent? Do you hang out in the same neighborhoods? A simple “Hey! I love that band, too. Have you seen them live?”, will go a long way.
4. Be Curious
Now that you have established that you are a relaxed, happy, confident guy that is seeking a connection, you are miles beyond the creeps that walked up and started immediately hitting on her earlier that night. Now it’s time to build on it. Don’t try to impress her by talking about yourself. Ask her questions about herself. What is she drinking? Is it good? How long has she lived here? What does she think about the crazy thing that happened last night? Reach beyond small talk to find out what she really feels about things.
5. Listen, Seriously
Now that you’ve asked her questions, don’t just glaze over while you are waiting for your turn to talk. Listen to what she has to say, silently with a smile. If she says something funny, laugh. If she says something sad, tell her you’re sorry to hear it. Then lighten the mood back up to a happier subject, as nobody wants to spiral into sadness. Everyone wants to feel like someone is truly listening to them, and psychological connections are typically made then, not when someone is blathering on about themselves without paying attention to how the other person is responding.
6. Ask Follow-up Questions
Now that you’ve asked her a question to get the conversation started and seriously listened to her response, it’s time to dive deeper into what you have in common. Ask clarifying questions about what she said. She might like the band’s first album, but what is it about the first album that she likes? Does she agree that the player should have been traded away? Did she see the twist ending in the book coming? Ask questions to find out more about how she feels about things. Studies have shown that when people are asked a lot of questions about how they feel, they walk away feeling like the person who asked the questions is a very interesting and fun person. Keep this in mind and ask her more questions.
7. Don’t Hide Things About Yourself
It may seem like you want to project the best version of yourself by hiding things you aren’t proud of, but the opposite is true. Comedians make their fortunes by talking about things everybody does, but nobody thinks anybody else does. By talking about little quirks about yourself, you can accidentally find these commonalities yourself, instantly creating a deeper connection. Be honest about yourself and others will trust you and open up to you more.
8. Avoid Yes/No Questions
The object is to keep conversation flowing smoothly. If you ask a lot of yes/no questions, it can feel like she is being interrogated. Ask open-ended questions that allow her to elaborate about things. Don’t ask “did you like the game last night?”. Ask “what was your favorite part of the game last night?”.
9. Make Eye Contact
Don’t look everywhere in the room but her. She wants to feel special, and that makes it seem like you aren’t paying attention. Of course, don’t stare her down, either. A good guideline to follow is that the person talking looks at the other person about half the time, and the person listening looks at the talker about 75% of the time. Of course, don’t try to time things and add up the math during conversation, either. Just relax, smile, and don’t forget to look in her eyes sometimes.
10. Get Personal
When you have been talking for a little while, you want to move things to a slightly deeper level. Make sure to keep it positive, not asking about her biggest fear. Ask her if she has any brothers and sisters. Ask where she hopes to be in ten years. Keep it light and simple. You want to show that you are interested in getting to know more about her, not in making her uncomfortable. Dive a little deeper each time, and soon you will have a great connection going with someone you just met.
Now, we were really lucky to get these from a beautiful woman’s point of view. Let us know what you think and any others questions you may want to ask Lisa (appropriate questions) that maybe she can write for us in the future.