Overcome the obstacles: how to talk to girls at bars
She’s seated at the bar, legs crossed, in a sexy dress. It’s loud and there are tons of people, so how do you make a move? Even though bars come to mind first as a place to meet women, there are several drawbacks. Read on to learn how to smooth talk your way past the obstacles most guys have no clue how to overcome. Disclaimer: This guide is for high quality girls that many other guys are interested in, not your standard bar fly girls that talk to anyone.
1.Obstacle: A loud environment
“Hi, I’m Chris, you look gorgeous!” “What?” “Hi, how’s your night going?” “Huh?”
Bars and clubs pump loud music to fill the room with energy but that doesn’t always make for easy introductions. If you’re trying to meet a girl in a really loud bar or club, you’re going to have to use sight and touch to your advantage to overcome the lack of ability to converse. The first thing you need to do is get close enough to be mostly heard and also make her comfortable with your touch. Lightly and briefly touch just above her elbow to get her attention in a non-threatening way and then lean closer. Once you’re in hearing range, go with a very short greeting. “How are you?” is small enough she’ll be able to fill in the rest if she can’t hear it. Your two initial goals are to get her to smile and get her interested. Gestures are your friend. Point to the bar and offer her a drink, or smile and hold out your arm to motion her to the dancefloor. After a short bit of interaction, get out your phone and let her watch you type this text, “What’s your number? I’m Jake”, hand your phone to her with this message and gesture for her to type her number in response. She’ll see you as clever and appreciate that you want to actually talk with her another time rather than just trying to bring her home that evening.
2. Obstacle: The best friend barrier
If a girl is meeting with a friend for a drink, they may be meeting to catch up on life or talk about something important. What this means for you is that you may very easily come off like an idiot if you try to interrupt a serious conversation to try to pick up on one of the girls. There are ways you can still work this company of her friend in your favor.
Wait for a moment when you notice their conversation slow down so you won’t hit instant rejection. Girls will be mean and blow you off quickly if you are interrupting something serious. Once you see a break in the conversation, start your own conversation by going up to order a drink. Be friendly to the bartender to show you’re a likeable person. While you’re waiting for your drink to arrive, turn to the girls and ask both of them something casual like, “How’s your night going?” She’ll feel more comfortable having her friend around and it lets you interact with her inside a group dynamic, getting her interested, while taking some of the pressure off you to keep conversation flowing with just one person.
Engage both of them in the conversation so you don’t offend her friend or make her feel awkward as the center of your attention, but find a moment to let her know she’s the one you like. Saying something to her friend like, “She’s sweet, isn’t she?” or “I like this one” after she says something funny will get the hint across in a playful way. Remember, just talking for a bit to them won’t be enough for you to see her again, so ask for her number to talk again after hanging out with them for a bit. Avoid dragging down the conversation or keeping them from girl time and overstaying your welcome. Say something like, “It’s been fun chatting, but I need to go meet a friend. Can I have your number to continue this conversation another time?” Now, you can follow up with her later or move on if she’s disinterested.
3. Obstacle: The boyfriend (or the boyfriend excuse)
It couldn’t get much worse than working the courage up to talk to that beautiful girl only to be interrupted by her date arriving behind you. You’re in some kind of pipe dream if you think she’s going to still go for you after the date ends. It’s more likely you will find yourself with a fist in your face from this angry dude. Overall, not checking if she’s with someone means setting yourself up for pointless embarrassment. The good news? You can avoid this situation tactfully by being open with her and asking.
There’s also the possibility she’ll use the boyfriend excuse to try to ditch you. That’s why it’s important you are genuine and be yourself when you talk to her. Don’t act forceful or show any expectations of her. Also, don’t ask her first thing if she’s single.
Here’s what to do if you spot a hot girl sitting alone at the bar. Sit with one chair open between you. Do not sit directly next to her. She’ll be more comfortable with you if you give her a little room. Introduce yourself and start a conversation. Wait a while, checking in with her about how her night is going before you ask her if she’s waiting for someone. If you go straight to something like this, “Hi, I’m Tim, are you waiting for someone?”, expect her to says yes, she’s waiting for her “boyfriend”, even if she doesn’t have one. You’ve given her no incentive to talk to you more. She’s used to guys approaching her so you need to show her you’re interesting. Once you know she’s not waiting for someone, you’ll be able to start getting to know her and ask for her number.
Many people go to bars to meet someone but the loud social environment can really make it difficult. This guide should help you start a quick conversation to get her number. This way you can meet her again later in an environment where you can really get to know her and get more intimate.