How To Talk To Girls At Parties
You are out at a party when you see her. She’s gorgeous, she’s laughing with friends, and you are positive that every guy in the room has noticed her. You want to go say hi, but what if you mess up? What if you start to talk, then stammer all over the place with nothing to say? Worse, what if you do come up with something to say and her and all of her friends laugh at you? It can be an overwhelming prospect to anyone, and to an introvert it can seem nearly impossible. So, how do you overcome this and talk to the girl? Just follow these steps.
Relax and breathe slowly and deeply
It’s easy to get nervous about talking to someone new. Your mind can start racing about all of the different things that can go wrong, and it becomes really easy to talk yourself out of taking any action. Then you go home alone and sad because you didn’t take action again. Remember, you want to regret the things you did, not the things you didn’t do. Now get over there.
Don’t worry about being cool
This person doesn’t know you. They don’t know if you are awkward or awesome, and all they have to judge you by is what you do and say. You’ve already walked up to them and said hi, and that’s a solid foot into the “cool” category. Just remember that you are defining how she sees you, and act accordingly. You can fall into old habits, tense up, and act awkward, or you can relax, breathe deeply, and smile. You control who you are, so don’t worry about it.
Groups can work in your favor
It can seem much more intimidating to approach a girl who is standing with her friends. They look like an impenetrable wall of people, and if you try to talk to one of them, everyone else will be watching you. Here’s a secret. Girls feel more relaxed and comfortable in their groups, and more willing to experience new things because of it. Smile and walk over fearlessly and they will welcome the adventure this brings to their night.
Pick the right time
If a group of people is having an intensely serious conversation, someone is crying or hurt, or one person is obviously in the middle of a story that everyone is paying attention to, hold back for a second. Trying to butt in during a time when everyone’s attention is focused can be disorienting, and shows you don’t have social awareness. Don’t wait around all night, but look for a time when people are more relaxed, having small chit chat, or just standing there. If people are looking around the room, that is the best indicator of when you should jump in. Don’t hesitate, just go over before something else happens!
Talk to everyone
When you approach a group of girls with the intention of speaking to one of them, it can be tempting to just focus on the girl you like while ignoring the others. This is a horrible idea, and will just serve to make the other girls working to get you out of the group. Make sure to talk to each person, even making a game out of making sure you’ve spoken to everyone. If someone is being quiet, that’s probably the best person to talk to, as the group will be thankful for you bringing them into the conversation and want you to stick around.
If you happen across a great group of girls, it’s easy to get caught up in a fun conversation. If you do this too long, however, they might start seeing you as just a friendly person with no interest in more. At some point, make sure to express that you are interested in someone without leaving the others out. For example, when the girl you like says something funny, respond to the rest of the group by saying “I like this one” while laughing. It gets across your intent without locking out the rest of the group, and they might end up helping you.
Ask a lot of questions
Nobody likes being stuck in a conversation with someone who drones on and on about themselves. People like other people who are interested in who they are. Ask lots of questions, focusing on positive things and personal opinions, which can vary a lot. Ask what people have done this week that they are really happy about. Ask what people thought about recent things that are happening or if they are excited about something coming up. You should be able to find common ground quickly, which develops a solid connection.
Don’t get stuck
Once you are in a group, it might feel like you want to stay in as long as you can. You just put in all of that work, so you want to make sure you don’t lose it, right? Wrong! If you do this, the group might think you are clinging onto them like a leech they can’t shake. It’s a party! Don’t be afraid to excuse yourself and go talk to other people. This gives them a chance to talk about you and leave them wanting more, which is exactly what you want.
Wander back around
Throughout the night, as you talk to different groups of people, making friends, make sure to circle back through and talk to the people you’ve already met. Not only is this easier to do, since they already know you, it also gives the impression of you knowing and being liked by a lot of people there. It’s a lot easier to feel safe with someone when it seems like everyone else feels safe with them, which is extremely helpful.
Follow these tips and in no time you should be able to walk into parties and talk to any group of girls like it’s second nature. The more you practice, the better you get and the more natural it feels, so get out there and find your first group to talk to at the next party you attend.