How to talk to girls on tinder
You swiped right on that beautiful girl hoping she would go for you, and she responded in turn. Now that you’ve matched with her, it’s time to make a move. But what do you say? She’s gorgeous and gets swamped with messages from tons of guys every day. The competition isn’t in your favor, as the odds are against getting a message back as a guy. If you’re playing strictly by numbers, there are about twice as many men as women on these apps according to a recent study from the Guardian. Don’t miss your chance by blowing it with a stupid message. Here’s how to write a message that gets her talking to you now.
1. Introduce yourself
Make your first message short. If you send her a novel about what a great guy you are or how hot you think she is, she’s going to unmatch from you and move on thinking you’re pretty desperate. Instead, be natural and keep it to two or three sentences. Start with your name, “Hi, I’m Mark”.
2. Give her something to talk about.
After you’ve told her your name in a simple, friendly approach, add something you liked about her. But you’re working with a limited amount of words in a Tinder profile, right? Wrong. She will have put a lot of thought into what she wrote and 90% or more of the guys out there won’t read any of it and will just message her about her looks.
Find a band, a favorite food, or an activity she mentioned that she likes that you like too. Let her know it interests you. “I’m really into Thai food, too. What’s your favorite dish?”, or, “I’m also into snowboarding, where do you like to hit the snow?” Basically, talk about an interest you actually have in common with her. She’ll feel like you have a genuine interest and be curious what else you might have in common. Then, by asking her a question with more than a yes or no answer, she’ll have an easy way to respond and keep the conversation going.
3. Re-read then send
Don’t rush sending a message the second she writes back. Put your best foot forward by avoiding terrible spelling and punctuation. Look over your writing, even reading it aloud to yourself before you send a message back to her. Girls see “heyyy gurl wats up yr hot” and hit delete.
4. Let it build slowly
Let the conversation take its course by actually listening, then responding with more follow up questions. Share what you like to do on the weekend and ask what she likes to do. As she gets more comfortable with you, she’ll open up and you’ll know if you want to meet her in person.
5. Respond when you’re actually free
It can be tempting to send a quick message back when you see she’s replied, but this isn’t the best reaction for a couple of reasons. One, it can make you look like you’re sitting around waiting on her every move, and that looks needy. Two, you reply without really reading what she said, and come off distracted.
If you’re spending some time catching up with friends, enjoy that time and message her when you are actually free. Give a break between messages to let her know you have things going on in your life. It also frees you up to thoughtfully respond.
6. Send your message when she’s happy to respond
You don’t want to send your message when she’s at work because she’ll be too busy to respond and forget about it. You also shouldn’t send it on a weekend evening, because she’ll be out spending time with friends and you will seem like you’re interrupting. The best time to send a message is on the weekend during the day or on a weekday during the early evening when she’s around and free to respond to you.
7. Make her laugh
If she thinks you’re fun to be around, she’ll want to meet you sooner. Playfully tease her about something in her photos. Make sure any sarcasm is really obvious with emoji or gifs, though, because it’s too easy to misinterpret. You don’t want her to read your message wrong and think you’re a jerk or unhappy with life. She’s more likely to want to meet in person if she thinks you’ll be entertaining and positive.
8. Avoid getting dirty too quickly
As the conversation starts to flow, don’t make things awkward by getting too personal too soon. Girls like to know you’re attracted to them but don’t want you to be too direct. Avoid asking questions like, “What are you wearing?” or anything overly sexual. You could tell her you think she’s pretty, but even this will have a better effect if you wait until you actually meet her to say so in person. If she sends a dirty message, by all means, enjoy, but don’t get too aggressive or you will come across as pervy and lose your chance to actually meet in person.
9. Don’t let this conversation get stuck in the app
Bring up one of the activities you’ve discussed and invite her out already! You don’t want to get stuck in a game of back and forth flirtation or simple questions, because she’ll lose interest or keep you around as a piece of entertainment. Ask her to meet for coffee or a drink at someplace you think she’d like within 3 days so you can see if the real-life connection is there.
Now that you know how to get things started, send her a message and see where it goes! These tips will put you leagues ahead of the other guys sending her messages. You already have more of a chance with this information in your arsenal. Messaging girls takes some thought, but it’s your first step to meeting a fun, sexy girl that wants to spend a lot of time with you.